i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
