Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
