May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
