If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
