She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
