WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
