i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
