Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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