Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
