u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize