"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
