Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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