My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
