Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
