He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
