can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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