why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
