I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
