You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
