What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
