I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize