Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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