I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
So squirting runs in the family.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
