we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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