my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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