he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
