it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
