Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
