I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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