I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
