I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
