She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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