Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize