I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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