I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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