Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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