She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We need to rekindle our bromance
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
