I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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