i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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