I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
People in love make me want to vomit
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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