I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
