i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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