your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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