ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
