And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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