Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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