We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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