Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
