Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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