you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
