y did u give ur computer a hand job?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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