it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
