you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
