this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
