She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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