You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize