Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
