I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
