i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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