he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
