you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
