We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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