So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
