'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
