Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
