You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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