sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
