dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
