she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize