There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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