Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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