honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
