I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
