but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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