Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
